Get Out of the Boat

My pledge today is to get out of the boat.  I need to stop being afraid.  I am fully capable of submitting my work for production and publication.  I am fully capable of writing as a career option, versus dreaming and pining for it.  If I would like to create and do more.  I just have to do it.  I have to stop fearing it.  To quote Jeff and Deborah Jay "Things have a way of falling into place if you keep moving forward."
Today I move forward.  Today I leap. Pin It Now!

How to Retread A Sleeper

     I love watching Baby 2 walk around the house.  He has this cute and wide "I just learned how to walk a month and a half ago" gait.  He is now able to bend over and pick things up with out sitting down.  He is mastering the turn and change direction maneuver and is even gaining speed.  My baby is officially a toddler!   
      His new found skill highlighted one problem with our hand-me-down pajamas.  It seems he only had problems walking in his sleepers.  Maybe it isn't fair to call his sleepers just his.  Baby 2 is the lucky recipient of Baby 1's hand-me-downs, many of which came from mom2mom sales or a cousin who also has two boys.  So it is easy to imagine that his pj's have been worn by at least two others, in many cases, but the grippy life of a sleeper is short, even if you are the proud first owner.  So my little toddler was walking or falling in fairly slick sleeper feet.
     My fast and easy solution to this problem was to puff paint the bottoms of the sleepers, to retread the grippies, so to speak.  I even let Baby 1 help paint some of the bottoms.  The puff paint made for a fast and easy solution that seems to be standing up to multiple washes with out a problem.  My little guy is able to walk our hard wood floors with out slipping and our old sleepers are good as new for the cost of few tubes of puff paint.  (I think I got six tubes on clearance for about $3.)
     I got the idea to use puff paints from reading Amanda Blake Soule's Handmade Home.  She has a project that gives the option of using puff paint on the bottom of a bath mat.  I thought this was the perfect way to combine being crafty and frugal with recycling.   
     I made sure I used a very thin layer of puff paint in rather big designs, avoiding big round polka dots, to ensure that the little one didn't attempt to pull pieces off and stick them in his mouth.  He's not known to do such a thing, but it is better to be safe, then sorry.  I had fun painting little hearts across the bottom of a few pairs and Baby 1 loved dictating which color choices I should make. 
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Trying to Hold On To My Heart

As Baby Boy 1 gets older it is amazing and anxiety producing to watch him interact with other children. At a play group activity today I was barely able to keep up with a quarter of the conversation the mothers were having because I was preoccupied with my boys activities and most especially how 1 was getting on with others. I realize now that one of my weak spots, or points of concern will be how my children interact with friends. There was this rush of pride, fear, and overwhelming love as I watched Baby 1 explain to the two other boys riding on the sea saw boat that his sweatshirt said “Toy Story.” In a soft earnest voice, with his fingers crossing his chest for emphasis, he said more than once. “It says Toy Story.”

Would they be impressed? Would they think he was cool because he liked Toy Story? Would it count against him? Would they be happy that he wiggled his way on to the boat to join them?

As a mother I have such an incredible love and joy for this little guy and pray like crazy that the rest of the world sees him as I do. Who couldn't find him adorable? Endearing? The cutest thing on earth?, I mean, come on. Now I fear that my own experiences might turn me into one of those helicopter mommies, there by creating the exact problem I wish to avoid.

As a middle schooler I some how fell victim to the cattiness of a big clique of girls. At twelve my group of friends, friends that were a part of my school, neighborhood and church lives, decided I was the pariah.  As our neighborhood, school and church were tight knit, I spent the next three years of middle school trying to maintain friendships with these girls despite their efforts to exclude me.  Oh the mind games of our on again, off again friendship. I don't want it to sound like I was this tiny, delicate wall flower bullied by a large group of oafish tarts, I have always been feisty and outspoken, but lets just say that during that already incredibly awkward and self conscious stage of my life, my friendships didn't buoy and protect me. The end result left me incredibly insecure about friendships, even to this day.

I realize everyone wants to be loved and accepted but middle school antics can leave scars. It is hard not to revert to that twelve year old getting a call on her birthday from all of her “friends” at another girl's birthday party. Real nice birthday wishes- . See the sting is still there some twenty five years later.

I translated that insecurity into aloofness in high school. Friend to many, close to none. The sad thing is that I followed the dumb cliché of developing relationships with boys rather than attempting strong friendships with girls. I let my high school sweetheart become the only relationship I bothered to really work on.

It seems when I had problems with friends I was much more likely to kiss the whole friendship good bye rather than really dig in and fix things. To a large extent I haven't outgrown that. Recently I have found myself distancing myself from two friends due to a conflict rather than get myself dirty sorting it out. My father calls it our “Irish heritage", this defense of “wiping people.” Not something I am overly proud of mind you.  In my late thirties I have a strong desire to connect, really connect with other women.  For the first time in my life, I guess, I'm at a place where that is really important to me.

So there I was watching my baby working on befriending these other tots in the play area, and I found myself sort of holding my breath. I was thinking in one big rush just below the surface- “love him, he's lovable, wait honey, are they worthy?” Crazy, huh?

My heart just wants to burst sometimes with this desire to make a perfect world for my children.  I want everything wonderful for my children, and to spare them pain and heart ache, to equip them with everything that they need. Yet I know that there is no way we can do everything we wish we could for our children. It truly is an awesome responsibility that breaks my heart and catches my breath.

So my playing field is already tilted due to my own anxiety and baggage, then add the fact that little kids always want to play with older kids, who rarely want to play with younger ones, and there I am watching my kid, trying to remember to breathe and not take it all too seriously. 

My husband and I go back and forth about whether or not a child number three will happen. I feel strongly that we aren't finished, but he doesn't want to buck the status quo. I understand his sentiments, what we have is amazing. How blessed and fortunate- two beautiful, smart, and healthy children. I get it babe, I get the desire not to press our luck.

I try often to have a heart to heart with myself about this desire for number three. In my heart of hearts do I want one more because I really do want a girl? Is that it? Some days I think yes, yes I would love to have a daughter. I would love to have a relationship with a daughter like I feel I have with my mother. Other days, especially days when I have observed five year old girls at play; (“Mommy Madison just said she doesn't want to be my friend anymore!”) I think that I probably couldn't handle all of the drama that girls for some reason create and live through. On these days I think that I am most definitely suited to being a mommy to boys. I think about how I was such a Tomboy. How my favorite doll, a Madame Alexander in a pink lace dress, was christened Tommy. How even at eleven I prayed for little brothers when my parents started the adoption process. (Sorry to my sisters!) On these days I think just boys are just right for me. Throughout these heart to hearts, I don't think I ever come to the conclusion that I'm done, sorry husband.

I guess in closing I just need to take away with me the pride I felt in my little boy putting himself out there. Introducing himself to other children- even to a little fourteen month old. He knows who he is and what he likes. He is not afraid to be himself. He got on the sea saw boat, no problems or issues. They rode for awhile, chatted, giggled. People got on, people got off. I didn't hover too close to catch all of the exchanges. I let the boy have some space, I hope. And he was so cute, and so proud of his sweatshirt, a shirt he demanded to wear despite my efforts to cajole him into a doggy sweatshirt he had never worn. On the way home I asked if he had fun, if he met any nice kids. He told me he did, there were good kids there Mommy, good kids.

This love for one's children- it is powerful stuff.

Oh, and Baby Boy 2 spent a third of this time climbing things, another knocking things over and the rest blowing kisses to any and all, God love 'em.

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Uber Practical Halloween Costumes

It all started with Baby1's first halloween. I wanted to sew his costume because my mother had always made mine but I was having trouble finding material that was both economical and baby safe.  He had a little lovey from Carters that was a little blue dog.  I found a sleep sack in the same color at a mom2mom sale and decided I would just make him a hat.  I made the hat out of fleece and he ended up wearing the hat all winter long.  It was our favorite winter hat.  He was also able to use the sleep sack through out the winter too.

This started my uber practical halloween costume making.  I have again gone back to the same formula- make a cute costume hat that can double as a winter hat and buy a sleeper that the boys can continue to use all winter long.  Baby1 made the task a little more difficult this year because he wanted to be Chef Elmo.  So for his costume I had to add a chef apron, ovenmit gloves (my mom's idea) and a chef hat.

Baby2 is a raccoon, which was my husband's idea.  This year I bought the sleepers online to make sure I had the perfect color match.  So for the price of one cheap Target costume I managed to make  a costume, a winter hat and a pair pajamas.

Baby2 is modeling Elmo hat without the chef hat attachment.  (I attached it with velcro in case it was too heavy or awkward to wear for a long time.)  Baby1 refused to model for Mommy.  Hey playing blocks is way more important.

The tail and whiskers are missing from this shot.  Baby2 has blue eyes just like the raccoon.

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What Residents and Doctors Need to Know When Talking to Parents of Young Patients

      When my Baby #2 was five days old we had to take him to the hospital for jaundice.  Due to some major miscommunication on the part of the hospital, we arrived at the hospital stressed out from waiting and waiting for hours to have him admitted.  The hospital was in turn waiting for us to bring him in.  With new born jaundice the higher the jaundice level the scary the case can become- there is even the threat of brain damage if the number gets too high.  Just imagine my level of anxiety after all of the waiting to have a resident yell at me because it took so long for me to bring my son in.  This was the first of many disturbing interactions with residents at this particular hospital.  (The poor nurses there have to apologize constantly for the way their residents act- horrible doctor-god complex culture at this particular hospital.  The hospital's reputation is so bad we refused to have either child delivered there but had no choice when told of the jaundice issue.)

       So after witnessing and being subject to a number of bad interactions, and having a sister in med school I thought I would create a list of things I think doctors and residents should know and keep in mind, when interacting with parents.  I mention the little sister because she is an amazing person who will make a phenomenal doctor one day.  She is most definitely focused on the patient and the patient's needs.  Hell, I'd have her deliver my next baby if she can and, the big if, if I get a baby #3!  Smile, hubby, if you ever read this!  My sister and her close friends are often horrified by what they encounter in the course of their "education."  I also have a dear friend that is in his final years of residency and I'm not trying to knock him either.  I know that there are tons of amazing doctors and residents out there.  These are just some things that are important for some doctors who lack bedside manner to think about.  Oh and please help me think of additional things to add to the list.  Thanks.

• Introduce yourself- we don't know who you are or why you are asking or telling us super important things.  I'd like to know your name at least before you start picking or probing me or a loved one, just saying.

• If you are talking about our child, acknowledge the child- use his name, speak to him too.  We need to know that you realize this is a precious person and not just a disease, injury, case, problem, etc.

• IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU.  (Do I have to explain this one?  It is about the PATIENT.  The patient better be your priority. PERIOD.)  I have eight stories to illustrate this topic, let me know if you want to hear them.  Oh and yes, they all came from our 26 hour stay in the hospital for jaundice.  God, please help parents that have children with major illnesses and huge complications.  Not only do they need strength to endure the unthinkable, they have to deal with doctor egos.  Not fair.

• We want good information, clear instructions, time frames or plans, even if they are subject to change.  So much of the time in hospital is spent waiting and wondering what the hell is going to happen next.  If doctors just took the time to give us a brief overview we wouldn't worry so much.  It doesn't have to be detailed or too specific, but something is better than just the wait.  I remember being admitted for complications with 2 and both my husband and I were trying to eavesdrop on nurses to figure out what was going to happen next.  All someone had to do was give us a little tiny bit of information.
• Give us time to write things down, we are stressed and sleep deprived, we aren't going to remember what you just said because we are again stressed and sleep deprived!

• Apologize if you screw up.  It means so much.  We even had a resident ask a nurse to apologize for him.  It would have meant so much more if he would have just man'ed up and did it himself.
• If the patient explains a symptom, issue or problem- acknowledge that it is real and scary for said patient, then tell us it is common, no big deal, happens all of the tome, not significant etc.  You may have encountered 808 patients with the same symptoms but this is obviously our first go round with said problem.  Just acknowledging that we are freaked out will make a huge difference.

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Green Inspiration #1 and Green Inspiration #2

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Trying to Go Green

I read a blog with the challenge to generate as many green mama ideas as possible, so here goes . . .
1) Cloth diapers, cloth wipes, cloth breast pads and mama pads.  It is much easier than you would ever imagine.  And per the incredible insight of Amanda Blake Soule in her book Handmade Home, I decided to make some of my own diapers using old flannel sheets and t-shirts. I made fitted diapers rather than prefolds but that's just me. Soule Mama is the Queen of repurposing around the house and I highly recommend the book (and her blog- she talks so candidly about not wanting to be a huge consumer and trying to tackle the want voice we all hear in our heads.  I use her as my inspiration when I feel like I NEED to buy something.  I'll ask myself- can I make it?  Can I make it out of something I already own?) 
2)We use cloth rags rather than paper towels and cloth napkins at our meals.  No more paper products for our messes!
3)The vast majority of my kids clothes are hand-me-downs or used from Mom2Mom sales.  I also try to buy my clothes from a local consignment shop when ever possible and honestly, when do I ever get new clothes really?
4) Following the whole cloth diaper thing, I try to dry as many loads of laundry outside on the line as possible.  I hate when I can't dry the diapers outside because something about sunshine, makes me feel like they really are clean.  Also for general laundry there is no need for bleach when you can tackle the stains outside on the line.  My goal is at least two loads a week as it gets colder.  This summer I'd say I had loads out there five days a week.
5) With a crawler and a preschooler I try to avoid using harsh chemicals in my house.  My vinegar cleaning solution is my best friend.  I use it for most of my cleaning needs.  I also use some castille soap for washing the floor and other misc. things.  All of our laundry detergents are environmentally safe too (again thanks to cloth diapering).
6) I use reuseable containers for snacks and sandwiches instead of baggies.  I also use silicon cookie sheet for the babies placemat if we eat out at a restaurant.
7) We have curbside recycling and use recyclable bags for shopping.
I want more ideas and more help with this because I want a beautiful world for my children to grow up in. Pin It Now!